Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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