so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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