there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
