Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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