We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
