smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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