i was born a porn star she said
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
