So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
