You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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