i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
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At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
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You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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