That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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