three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
This is classic penis vs brain.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
