You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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