I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Randomize
