I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
