i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Randomize