we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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