she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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