I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Sorry about my life...
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
