So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
