I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
