I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Randomize
