Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
