Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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