saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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