three words: i give head
three words: not that well
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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