What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
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