dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
