i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
