i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Randomize