Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
