I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
