Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
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