god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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