ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
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