i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
