So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
