also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
It was confusing and full of hummus
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
My liver just had a heart attack.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize
