Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
