Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
