You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Randomize
