and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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