I think I died a long time ago.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
