I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Randomize
