are you still at the devil's house?
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
