I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
