It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
