im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
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