do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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