Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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