If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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