i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Randomize
