So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Randomize
