oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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