i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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