I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Randomize
