I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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