I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
