My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
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He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
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I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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