i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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