My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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