he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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