Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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