Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
