He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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