so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
