I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
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