Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
