So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Randomize
