I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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