youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
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