Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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