She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
