You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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