Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
