i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
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