I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
